new york times book review

with craig ferguson's new autobiography, 'american on purpose', out now, there have been many book reviews written. here is an excerpt from the book review in the new york times:

The fact that Ferguson has the Scottish version of chutzpah shouldn’t come as a surprise to regular viewers of his TV program, “The Late Late Show,” on CBS. Since his debut as host in 2005, he has evolved into something of an anti-Leno, trading the rapid-fire delivery of canned topical jokes cooked up in a writers’ room for something more idiosyncratic and risky: a loopy, seemingly ad-libbed monologue in which he talks with, not at, the audience.

check out the complete review here.

10-30-09

+ 'halloween is this weekend', craig ferguson reminds us, 'halloween though isn't just for kids. popular costumes that are selling like hotcakes this year are the jon and kate costumes. i cant wait until next halloween when no one remembers who the hell they are. i dont know what a jon and kate costume is. kate would be easy, you get a mullet wig and put it on backwards. but how do you dress like jon? i think you wear an ed hardy tee shirt and wear a sign that says 'jerk'. although, if you are wearing the ed hardy tee shirt you dont really need the sign. twilight costumes are quite popular too. when i was a teenager, this is true, when i was a kid one holloween i dressed up as dracula. but we didnt have any hair cream in our house, cause we were poor. hair cream is not beloved by scottish protestents. 'you cant be spending money to buy things to make yourself more attractive! hair cream, is it? next you'll be wearing trousers!' its true... we didnt have any hair cream, so i used butter to slick my hair back. so i go to the party and the butter is all melting. i was a teenager and i was excited, but i looked more like 'i cant believe its not dracula'. the butter is all dripping down my face, i'm wearing all the eye make up and stuff, because i'm a teenager and its melting into my acne. i went to the party as a vampire, but came back as a giant zit!'
- lauren graham
- jessalyn gilsig
= the fruit bats

10-29-09

+ 'today is a very important day', craig ferguson announces, 'it was on this day in 1923, that the republic of turkey was founded, its a big day over there. why am i talking about it? i'll tell you why: bit of a slow news day... i'll tell you why i like turkey, because its the only nation named after an animal. turkey was founded from the remnants of the ottoman empire. the ottoman empire was unstable, it collapsed when people put their feet up on the cushion. i've been to turkey, do you know how i got there? took the gravy boat. i went to the grand bazaar in istanbul and i bought a carpet. turkey is known for their thick plush carpets, unlike brazil...'
# newt gingrich

10-28-09

+ 'they are giving out swine flu vaccines now', craig ferguson shares, 'i want this vaccination, though. you know the word vaccine comes from the latin 'vacas', which means cow. so what happened in the 18th centery, an english doctor discovered that if you give people the cow pox virus, it would protect them from the more dangerous virus of small pox. thats why its called vaccination, from vacas, or cow. anyway, all over the country there is a shortage of this vaccine. i want to know why. if there is enough of the virus to cause the epidemic of the swine flu, then there should be enough to make the vaccine- its the same stuff! i smell a conspiracy! a virus is an organic naturally occurring substance, how hard can it be to grow? in places where they do have the vaccine, people are willing to fight for it. oh, this always happens before christmas, last year it was a tickle-me-elmo, before that it was the buzz lightyear thing, this year its the swine flu vaccine...'
# madelein albright
= rodrigo y gabriela great guitarists!

10-27-09

+ 'it's a great day for the u.s. navy', craig ferguson announces, 'because it's navy day. navy day started in 1922 to celebrate the brave men and women of the u.s. navy. now, the u.s. navy, was founded by john paul jones- who was a scotsman! he went to sea at 13 years old, he deserted the british merchant marine because he was discussed by slavery, and he founded the american navy. anyway, what i'm saying is that its navy day. i always fancied going to sea, being a sailor, but i'm not so sure i could take the lifestyle. you know, 'rum, buggery, and the lash'. well, i'm fine with a bit of rum and buggery, but i'm not into the lash. i prefer cuddling.'

+ dear aquaman, featuring tim gunn

- alicia silverstone near the end of the interview the lights went out! craig does a great job of covering and turning it into more of a radio show...

* salman rushdie

10-26-09

+ 'have you seen 'paranormal activity'?' craig ferguson asks, 'its the number one movie in the country. that means its great. this is the logic: more people saw 'paul blart: mall cop' than saw 'the shawshank redemption'. therefore 'paul blart: mall cop' is a better movie than 'the shawshank redemption'. do you see? thats right, more people saw it, that means its better. dont you understand capitalism?!? i havent seen 'paranormal activity', it sounds scary. its about a couple, they get a camcorder and they put it by the bed to record the things that go bump in the night, and also to see if anything happens with ghosts while they are asleep... the word paranormal means anything that defies scientific explanation. such as how does trump keep that thing on his head? how does a baldwin walk on its hind legs? people are making a big deal about 'paranormal activity' cause it cost 15,000 dollars to make. when i heard that, i was jealous! if we had that kind of money i'd buy suits, we would get a light or two in here, i would buy the audience tickets to a decent show, the price is right maybe. what i'm saying is that 'paranormal activity' will make a huge profit, but that doesnt mean its quality. no one will say 'that movie was garbage, but it only cost 15,000, so i'll see it three times'. i think some people are going to see this movie because it was make out of the studio system, you know, no special effects, no stars, its the little movie that could, its an underdog story. if you like this show, clearly you like an underdog story...'

+ interview with america's number one halloween expert henry winkler

- sharri shepherd

* alex dryden

party at elton john's house

its been previewed all week, with clips enticing us of what was to come. and friday we got to see it. unfortunately, craig ferguson was right when he said earlier in the week that it wouldnt live up to the hype. the main reason it was lame: the guy who played craig (craig played elton john) was crap. this isnt anything new, this guy has been doing stupid impressions of craig on bits for the show for a long time- please craig, i implore you: get rid of him! he brings everything he does down a notch. he is not funny, in fact he is an annoyance and i get angry every time i see him. he sucks!!!
other than that, though, the sketch featured salmon rushdie (not entirely sure why...) and a lot of orgy jokes. craig's turn as elton john was pretty funny though.

10-16-09

+ 'there's a movie coming out today called stepfather', craig ferguson informs us, 'i'm thinking, oh good, this is a nice movie about a loving dad, a step father. it's not- its a horror movie! its a horror movie about a step father does things like cooks dinner, makes the kids do their homework. all right, every now and then he chases them with an axe... but i'm thinking, dont step parents have a hard enough time getting along with the kids, and now hollywood is trying to sell the idea that stepfathers are twisted nut jobs? usually step fathers are fine, they arent creepy. well, unless your step father is woody allen... all i'm saying is that step fathers get a bad rap, so do step children. like the term 'red headed stepchild'. it doesnt mean they are a freak! a couple months ago there was a movie called 'orphan' and it was about an evil adopted child. its a rough time for family members that arent blood related. you know what movie i want to see? i want to see a movie called 'pervy grandpa'! 'who needs a spanking?' even cartoons are tough time on relatives. you know who i blame: fairy tales. exactly. 'what is a fairy tale, craig?' i hear you ask. it is simply a parable. 'what is a parable?' i hear you ask. a parable is an enigmatic allegory. i hope thats cleared it up for you. and what child doesnt love an enigmatic allegory?'
+ party at elton john's house skit
= toby keith
- michelle monaghan

10-15-09

+ 'i'll tell you who its not a great day for today', craig ferguson mournfully shares, 'its not a great day for the old folks. today the social security administration announced that there will be no cost of living increase for senior citizens. this is the first time its happened since 1975. and i for one, am reaching a point in my life where i'm interested in this kind of thing... i am, i'm feeling things that are happening in my body! are you there God, its me, craig! i'm often thinking about senior citizen things, i'm noticing more early bird specials where ever i go, i find myself watching reruns of matlock all the time! i'm strangely attracted to angela lansbury... legally there are three stages of aging. at 50 you can join the aarp, at 65 you start getting social security checks, and at 75 you are legally allowed to slap a waitress on the ass and call her 'toots'. i am 47 years old, in three years i can be in the aarp! me! me!!! 8 years from now i am eligible for senior discount at ihop. i can hear what you are saying 'craig, would you really suffer the indignity to get a dollar off pancakes?' your damn right i would! actually, i'm thinking of getting a fake id for ihop discounts before my 8 years are up!'
+ another preview for the friday sketch of 'party at elton john's house' it better be good (even though craig plainly states that its going to suck)
- forrest whitaker
* adam savage, jamie hyneman (the guys from mythbusters)

10-14-09

+ 'its not a great day here in l.a.' craig ferguson laments, 'literally, the city has been brought to its knees by a natural disaster. its scarier than an earthquake, worse than fires, crazier than mel gibson on a road trip, thats right: light rain in las angeles! a light smattering of rain. you can always tell when its raining in l.a., people loose their minds! rain in l.a. is like a tornado anywhere else. those of you in the audience should be aware, there is a leaky roof here, i'm not kidding. but this audience is from l.a., so in the event of a leak and the place floods, you can use your breast implants as a floatation device.'
+ preview for 'a party at elton john's house' skit coming on friday
+ paula poundstone stops by to do the emails with craig.
- kristen bell
- robert carlyle

10-13-09

+ 'theres a lot of important news going on right now', craig ferguson shares, 'theres some very big news, i'm going to talk about it tonight, i dont like to talk about things this serious, but i'm going to have to talk about it tonight: we are in the middle of a pumpkin shortage. and apparently halloween fun is threatened! i think that might be exaggerating a bit, i mean halloween wont be cancelled just because theres a pumpkin shortage, that would be like cancelling 'jon and kate' because they were short one douche bag. nobody has cancelled this show because of a lack of entertainment value. according to the article, the pumpkin growing season was especially rainy, and thats why theres so few pumpkins, and the pumpkins that survive are going to be smaller than usual. its just a matter of time before the pumpkin shortage will be a political issue. the democrats will blame the global warming for the pumpkin shortage, the republicans will blame michael moore for eating all the pumpkins. i'm going to go with the republicans on this one...'
+ larry king of the jungle
- tim robbins
- adam goldberg
= dierks bentley

10-12-09

+ 'its a great day for our neighbors to the north', craig ferguson shares, 'up in canada its canadian thanksgiving, so happy thanksgiving, our canadian friends! thats why i'm being positive! canadians are positive and upbeat, they are perky and they enjoy knit wear! thats why i'm doing it. their thanksgiving is just like our thanksgiving, but they eat the traditional canadian meal of hockey pucks stuffed with back bacon...'
+ celebrities read excerpts from craig's book. kristen bell
- david boreanaz
* mitch albom

10-09-09

+ 'today is not just a normal friday', craig ferguson reminds us, 'its leif ericson day! now, not everybody loves leif ericson day, 'who craig?', well let me tell you! the italians dont. see, leif ericson is considered by historians to be the first european to land in north america, but italians are like 'what about christopher columbus?' leif ericson arrived in north america 500 years before columbus, but he was a viking, and vikings get a bad rap. cause columbus got a whole city named after him in ohio, but what did leif ericson get? he got leif gerrett named after him, leaf blowers... all right all right, i'll try to stop punning on leif. ill leif it alone. oh, thats a re-leif. anyway, historians argue over who discovered america, was it leif ericson or colombus? personally, i think its very hard to discover something if there are people already living there...'
+ dear aquaman with tim gunn
- gerard butler
= phoenix

10-08-09

+ 'i am angry at news organizations', craig ferguson informs us, 'they print garbage and pass it off as the truth. what happens is one newspaper prints it, and then the others pick it up, and everyone believes it. the news channels are just as bad. like on cnn, right, they read out what people are saying on twitter. how is that news? thats like going to the street corner and talking to the guy who's barking at the sky. thats not news! i thought cnn stood for cable news network, not crazy nightly nuts! now, i dont want to sound like grandpa, like 'why dont they make good shows like matlock anymore?' like when walter cronkite read the news you knew it was the news. mainly because he ended the broadcast saying 'and thats the way it is'. and then if you said 'no, i actually heard something...' 'no, thats the way it is.' i guess i only trust news from wrinkly old guys, i guess thats why the most trusted name is larry king.'
+ dear aquaman with tim gunn
- jean reno
- sophia bush

10-07-09

+ 'here is some very good news', craig ferguson shares, 'at nasa the countdown is on. cause at nasa, after years of wasting the tax payers money on research to increase the quality of life here on earth and all that rubbish, nasa is doing something cool: they are blowing up the moon. no, thats not a joke, i'm not kidding- right now a centaur missile is hurdling through space headed for the moon's south pole. and i for one would just like to say how awesome that is! nasa is saying thats an experiment, they are going to blow up a little bit of the moon. they are going to spectro analyze a debris cloud, and see if there is water in it to see if there is water on the moon. i think we all know the real mission here is, and that is reminding the moon that it is still our bitch!'
+ dear aquaman with tim gunn
- rachel bilson
* david milch

10-06-09

+ 'did you see kiss on letterman?' craig ferguson asks, 'i mean the band kiss, not the other thing. kiss was on letterman, i just watched it cause we're live! i'm live, the audience i'm not so sure about... no they are here, they're just not in a good mood. kiss have got a new album out, it the first in 19 years. i once saw kiss in concert. it was just before my 30th birthday, i was just about 2 months sober. i know, it wasnt a smart thing to do... i went to see kiss and right before the show there was a giant sphinx head and i thought 'oh, this is going to be good', and the giant sphinx head was right there, the lights go dark, and the music started to rumble, and then lazer beams shot out of the sphinx's eyes, and i'm like 'oh yes!', then smoke starts coming out of the sphinx nostrils, and the mouth opens up and inside was kiss and i thought 'oh man, being sober sucks!'.'
+ dear aquaman with tim gunn
- julia louis-dreyfus
= avett brothers

10-05-09

+ with the big scandal with david letterman, craig ferguson weighs in: 'well, i guess by now you've all figured out how i got the job... oh, man. i mean, just for a second, put yourself in my position. i'm sure you already know, david letterman, the king of late night television, unless you believe the nbc press release, the king of late night television, got himself into a little bit of a situation which he's dealing with, is my boss. and my job is to take the number one news story of the day and have a bit of fun with it... now imagine that your boss is caught with his... no, that's a bad example. your boss in a situation where he is caught in an embarrassing situation, and your job is to be funny about this while keeping your own job. so, this is my last show... but i will say this, if we are now holding late night talk show hosts to the same moral accountability that we hold politicians and clergymen, then i'm out. i'm gone. because i dont think ive kept it a secret from you that i have a few incidents from my past. but i made the smart move and wrote them down in a book. its called 'american on purpose' available in all fine bookstores near you. i feel very bad about this, because i like a bit of danger in my entertainers. i like my musicians to be drug fueled. because if you want entertainers to be squeaky clean, then what are you going to be watching? jonas brothers. exactly. now, it's not for me to comment- actually it is for me to comment! argh! let me just say this: i have enjoyed working here. and i'm going to do my darned to keep working here. but if i inadvertently say something that gets me fired... then i hope its funny!!!'

+ tim meadows talks about the olympic decision to go to rio

-michael sheen

- viola davis

craig on dave

on september 24th craig ferguson made an appearance on 'the late show with david letterman' in support of his new book 'american on purpose'. it's always fun to watch craig when he's on other people's shows, he's a lot more reserved and he really behaves himself. he's not nearly as strange as he is on his own show, he probably feels like people might actually be watching him...

watch the whole episode here.

10-02-09

+ 'there's a movie opening today that i really want to see,' craig ferguson admits, 'its called zombieland. theres no confusion in the title, you know what your getting with zombieland, its about a land full of zombies! i love zombies, cause if theres any monster that could riverdance, it would be zombies! that's what i'm hoping for, riverdancing zombies- i can see it on broadway now! horror movies are supposed to be allegories for what humans wrestle with. like dracula is a metaphor for sex, you know, the penetrating fangs, they crave the flesh, all that. but you'd think all the maidens in transylvania would think to shut their windows at night, but they are all kind of like 'oh, this breeze feels so good on my boobies, oh, i cant get to sleep without sticking my lady's business out of the window. oh, the transylvania night air, makes me glad i'm visiting from england. i always come here for my vacation...' the vampire thing is a metaphor for sex, dr. jekel and mister hyde is a metaphor for alcoholism, he drinks a potion and becomes a monster. i know exactly how he feels... i dont know what the zombie is an allegory for- maybe stoners, thats what it is. 'must eat brains... or twinkies.'.'
- tim gunn
- colbie smulders
= lynyrd skynyrd

10-01-09

+ 'when i was a kid growing up,' craig ferguson remembers, 'even just the word china represented something exotic and mysterious to me. when i was a kid, my dad would make something he called 'chinese eggs', which was a huge treat, he would only make it when my mother wasnt around and he had to cook. it was a boiled egg with toast cut into little squares, and mashed up in a cup. and i would say to my mom 'mom, dad made us something special, you dont know what it is, its called chinese eggs!'. she said 'its just boiled egg, your fathers a drunk.'.'
- patricia arquette
-dominic cooper

9-30-09

+ 'do you know what's happened?' craig ferguson asks, 'this is big news, my favorite show 'jon and kate plus eight' has been cancelled. but its coming back as 'kate plus eight' cause jon's been cancelled is what i'm saying. to be honest, i've never seen 'jon and kate'. see, all i know about jon and kate is from magazine covers or from joel mchale's show 'the soup'. and all i know about kate is this: she's got eight kids, and she's got some sort of weird reverse mullet haircut thats the wrong way around, its like party in the front and bussiness in the back. thats what i know about jon: he is a horses ass. how do i know that? because he wears the ed hardy t-shirts.'
+ oom-ra and craig communicate via whistle tubes
- jenna elfman
> dom irrera

9-29-09

+ 'i was on the view', craig ferguson admits, 'and i showed my tattoo because barbara walters wanted to see it. and if barbara walters wants to see something, you take your pants off and show her! and then i showed her a tattoo. she said 'oh, i like that', she was nice about it and everything was fine. and later on i met some people and this lady comes up to me and says 'i don't like your tattoo'. thats ok, because it's not for you, its for me. then she said 'oh, tattoos arent rebelious, everyone's got a tattoo right now. everyone has one'. i said 'do you have one?' 'no', 'that's why i have one'. 'they're not rebelious', 'i know, but you don't have one. i have one. which makes me cool'.'
- james spader
> cathy ladman

9-28-09

+ craig ferguson shares some osborne news: 'at age 60, ozzy osborne finally got his driver's license. so congratulations there to mel gibson who is no longer the most dangerous celebrity on the road. what i cant believe though is that ozzy osborne is only 60 years old! i mean, come on, he's always 'argh..' wow, only 60?!? i think it makes you look old if you eat bats, clearly. bats are the bacon of rock and roll.'
- chris o'donnell
> paula poundstone

9-25-09

+ 'its been crazy this week', craig ferguson tells us, 'you know what's happened? r. kelley released a new song, right, and its called 'number 1'. is that really the best title of a song if you are the guy who got arrested for going wee wee on someone?!? now, i offer that up as a discussion, i'm not saying thats a joke, its just a discussion. maybe in your book club you could discuss that. i'm like oprah, only poor.'
+ celebrities read excerpts from craig's book: marg helgenberger
- ted danson
* christopher miller and phil lord, directors of 'cloudy with a chance of meatballs'

9-24-09

+ 'tonight is the season premier of the mentalist', craig ferguson reminds us, 'it was on earlier on cbs. 'what's that show about?' i hear you mentally thinking. its about a detective who's powers of observation are so great that people think he's psychic. dont confuse it for the show 'psych', which is on another network, thats about a cop who's powers of observation are so great that people think he's psychic. but its nothing like the mentalist at all. psych show, the mentalist show, they are as different as 'wife swap' and 'trading spouses'. the mentalist is a fantastic show though, it really is. i've never seen it. the mentalist is so observant he can tell what people are thinking, he's like a woman in a mans body. i know exactly how he feels... now, listen, if you don't want anybody reading your mind, just do what i do: wear a tinfoil hat!' craig really cracks himself up with that one! 'ha ha! i love that idea! wear a tinfoil hat, they wont have to read your mind, they will just see that you are crazy. oh, what am i saying? you are watching this show, you are probably already wearing a tinfoil hat!'
+ celebrities read excerpts from craig's book: reba
- jason schwartzman
- angela kinsey

9-23-09

+ 'it's a great day for america, everybody', craig ferguson again declares, 'its also a great day of ireland! today is the 250th anniversary of guinness beer. i may have crossed paths with guinness in my life... 'what made guinness famous made a looser out of me!' irish people took to the streets today, drinking and throwing up on each other, and you should have seen them when they found out about the anniversary! 'craig, you're reinforcing national stereotypes' yes, i am.'
+ celebrities read excerpts from craig's book
- jennifer love hewett
* ken tucker
= arctic monkeys

9-22-09

+ the intro segment starts with craig ferguson turning around with a marker under his nose, looking shocked like we caught him doing something bad, 'sorry, sorry, i was just... i was just seeing what i would look like in a yellow moustache. i wasnt really sniffing a pen, those days are behind me. no, i thought would i do that for a joke? will i sniff a pen in the beginning as a joke? then i thought i cant, cause then people will be outraged and like 'oh', the pen sniffers of america will be like 'how dare you mock us', then there will be other people saying 'pen sniffing is a serious problem'. and it might be, it might be, i don't know. there might be a whole area, dr drew's dealing with people who are like 'i started off on ball points then went crazy, i thought it was harmless, just a pencil every now and then...'. let me tell you something: pencils are the near beer of pens. that doesnt even make any sense, that. you that i dont drink anymore, i know. no, i dont, i havent drank in a long time. and this is how i am without drinking- can you imagine? oh no no, you wouldnt be applauding, you'd be running. i dont drink anymore and people say 'oh, you can have a near beer.' i'm like 'no'. if i have a near beer, i'm near beer. and if i'm near beer, i'm close to tequila. and if i'm close to tequila, i'm adjacent to cocaine. and if i'm adjacent to cocaine, i'm in jail. see? you see how it goes? thats the natural flow of things.'
+ celebrities read excerpts from craig's book
= reba
- dave annable

9-21-09

+ craig ferguson starts the show's intro segment with the crocodile hand puppet named wavey. wavey begins by saying 'hey everybody! what a do? i've come to tell you something that's kind of embarrassing for the scottish conan guy. we've been looking at the market research for the show. hey everybody. the most popular part of this show, i'm not kidding you, is me! wavey! yeah! ha ha! yeah! and they said it couldnt be done by a cold blooded killer!' then craig comes in with a sad face, 'its true... people love puppets though, puppets and animation. thats what they want. they don't want some fat old douche in the middle of the night.'

+ celebrities read excerpts from craig's book

- marg helgenberger

- dule hill

= black joe lewis and the honeybears

9-11-09

+ 'there is a movie opening today called 'whiteout'', craig ferguson shares, 'i'm very excited about it, finally a movie about liquid paper! 'in a world where people make mistakes, there is a fluid that covers them up...' do people still use white out? nobody writes on paper anymore, people write on the computer. i still use white out though, i go through five computer screens a week! ha ha. don't laugh, i know is isnt funny before i said it, but i said it anyway, and you know why? because i'm optimistic, thats why. you know who invented whiteout? the mother of mike nesmith, who was the guitar player in the monkeys. thats why mike never participated in any of the monkeys reunion shows. he's like 'screw you guys, im heir to the whiteout fortune, i dont need you!' but of course, the glory days of correctional fluid are over now, the money will be drying up. next year he'll be putting on the monkey suit and the little wooley hat singing 'cheer up sleepy jean!'...'
+ celebrities read excerpts from craig's new book
+ the rather late programme with prince charles
- drew carey
- mindy kaling

ew book interview

with the release of craig ferguson's new book 'american on purpose', he has been making the rounds to support it. one place he has shown up in is the pages of entertainment weekly. he stopped by and gave a brief interview about what people can expect in the pages of his book. here is an excerpt from that interview:

Craig Ferguson is exposing himself. He's rolled up his cuffs to examine a sore spot on his leg where he fell off a horse. ''It was a f---ing Clydesdale as well,'' he says, then adds, ''When you fall off a horse, you should get back on it, but I didn't.'' Which is weird, because the actor, comedian, and Late Late Show host always gets back on the horse. Not always for the better. The first time he drank, he got wildly sick and punched a policeman — so he kept drinking and became a spectacular alcoholic. And when he was chased off stage for his misanthropic comedy character Bing Hitler? He kept doing the character and kept getting chased off stages. American on Purpose, Ferguson's raw, funny new memoir, is full of stories like these, and he rarely fares well in his own telling. ''That's the idea, isn't it?'' he asks. ''It's an autobiography — it might as well be honest.''

find the rest of the interview here.

craigs new tatoo

it seems that while craig ferguson was away from the show and it was in reruns he was busy getting inked! on the view he talked about his new tattoos. he has one on his right arm, which is the ferguson crest, which he got when his father died. the second one he got on his left arm for his mother, as he tells it 'my mother died less than a year ago, and i started to hear her say 'oh, what a lovely tattoo you got for your father...' so i had to get a tattoo for my mother'.

he also decided to get another tattoo, because apparently you should never have an even number of tattoos. his reasoning is this: 'my body was turning into a bit of a church yard, it was like tombstones on it, i wanted something for me, something life affirming. its kind of personal as well, its a new thought, the new world. i kind of like that.'

when asked by the women of the view why he got the one on his forearm, he replied 'its from a cartoon. actually in 1754 ben franklin had it in the newspaper, it was a symbol originally for the colonists to unite together against a common threat, and it became a revolutionary symbol. i got it cause i'm an american, and i wanted to have an american tattoo.

craig on the view

with craig ferguson's new book, 'american on purpose', coming out, he did a little promotion for it. one of those promotional stops was on 'the view'. he joined the ladies and talked about many different topics, such as freedoms we should be allowed, his new tattoos, his past, his wife, his career, becoming a pilot, the drew carrey show, and everything else they wanted to talk about. he came across as a really sincere guy who doesnt bother with all that self centered garbage most celebrities seem to have. a very interesting and fun interview!

9-10-09

+ 'i saw what happened during obama's speech to congress', criag ferguson declares, 'and i dont like it. congressman joe wilson of south carolina yelled during the speech. until then the speech was just normal, obama was talking everybody is like 'yeah yeah, blah blah, lets do good things, blah blah.' then joe wilson he's like 'you lie!' it caused a commotion amongst the other politicians, cause they were like 'how do you know? oh..'. now, i want to be very clear about this, i am not getting on congressman wilson's case for disagreeing with the president, he's absolutely, if he disagrees he disagrees. disagreement is what its all about- thats why we have republicans and democrats, boxers and briefs, rosie and trump, hall and oats, linens and things... every congressman has a vote, he should use it, but not in the middle of a speech to the joint sessions of congress, thats not when you do it- its not the jerry springer show! you dont stand up in the middle of congress and yell 'oh no, you did not!' what the hell is wrong with you?!? he says that his emotions got the better of him. sometimes i want to have sex with a hooker, but i dont! ...ooh, my inner dialog came out again, didn't it?'

+ celebrities read excerpts from craig's book

- audrey tautou

- ron livingston

9-09-09

+ uh oh, another south carolina politician finds himself in hot water over a sex scandal. craig ferguson takes the time to talk about it: 'the scandal broke last night and the local tv station played the tape. in it he's braging to another politician about his affair. they were in a meeting and it was recorded. they recorded his words because his mic was on. in show business its called a hot mic. anyway, the story gets worse, the woman he is having an affair with turns out to be a lobbyist for an energy company, and the senator turns out to be the vice chair on the comittee on utilities... its a double no-no on this thing, its like an exterminator having an affair with a cockroach. well, no, its not as classy as that.'
- danny devito

celebrities read craig's book

with craig ferguson's new book, 'american on purpose', coming out soon, there has been a new segment where famous celebrities sit and read a short bit from his book! so far the celebrities have been such folks as betty white, dame edna, kevin bacon, and john waters. the little snippets from the book are usually unusual or altogether unrelated to anything one would expect- thus making it really funny to hear them read it out loud and out of context!

9-08-09

+ 'it's not a great day for america's school children', craig ferguson laments, 'its back to school day today, so on behalf of america's parents, god bless you schools. thank god! finally i can watch cartoons by myself. i love the summer time, but i can spend so much time at chuck e cheese, you know what i'm saying? i went so much this summer, the giant rat knows me! he's like 'good morning, craig', 'good morning chuck.' i'm getting a bit tired of their pizza as well, although i admit i still love the ball pit. when the kids come back to school today get get a bit of a surprise: president obama has a speech just for them, he said 'work hard, stay in school', he said some kids dont value education they just think they they will get rich if they just get on tv or something. i'm like 'ha!' as someone who dropped out of school and is on tv, he's right kids. dont end up like me, cbs in the middle of the night.'

- neil patrick harris

= spencer day

9-07-09

+ 'it's labor day today', craig ferguson reminds us, 'that's the end of wearing white. i have to put away my favorite white pumps. i've always been an outlaw though, i will continue wearing my white speedo. you want to take away my white speedo? you'll have to tear it away from my cold dead wiener. anyway, last week because we were going to HD i got my teeth whitened. but now its labor day, with summer gone, i'll have to have my teeth darkened for winter. my father used to have seasonal rules like that, he would drink light beer, like lager, in the summer, and dark beer, like guinness in the winter. his thinking was that light beer cools you in the summer, and the guinness warms you in winter. and that way being drunk isn't dependant on the seasons. a bit of a health nut, my dad.'+ celebrities read excerpts from craig's book

- juliette lewis

- alex o'loughlin

9-04-09

+ as craig ferguson reads the emails, he comes across this gem : 'this one is from joe bob in hicksville kentucky. maybe its joe and bob they got together to write an email. 'yehaw!' thats how he starts, 'yehaw', 'how are ya doing?' alright, get on with it, 'my pa tells me you were once a member of the sex pistols, which one were you? the one with the tongue or the one dressed like a cat?'.' craig finds this one especially amusing and begins genuinely cracking up, 'i get asked this all the time' he says sarcastically, and continues to laugh hysterically. 'man, you know, i used to worry before i went to see a therapist, that i was crazy. i'm not crazy, i'm just like you'. then craig remembers the email again and falls into fits of laughter 'the cat?!? what is the cat?!? the cat wasnt even in the village people! was there a cat in the banana splits? i dont even think there was a cat in the banana splits! damn. we have to take a break after that one...'
- radha mitchell
- jason ritter finally! after all that waiting, jason is finally on!

9-03-09

+ 'there's a new study out today', craig ferguson informs us, 'a new scientific study out today, from scientists, that says that the healthiest sperm you can get comes from men with high IQs. i thinking 'nice try, scientists, you're still not getting laid! you're scientists- get back to work!'.'

-carrie fischer

- d.j. qualls

+ after being bumped from the last two shows, craig decides to make this week 'jason ritter week', there's a graphic and everything! he promises jason ritter will be on this episode. yet still no jason ritter. will we ever see this mysterious jason ritter interview?!? only time will tell...

9-02-09

+ 'the big brewhaha in russia', craig ferguson shares, 'here's what they're all cockahoop about in russia, there's a man in russia who's taking a newspaper to court, taking a russian newspaper to court because they are writing bad things about his grandfather. his grandfather was a man by the name of joseph stalin. what kind of a cheap rag would dare to say a bad think about uncle joe stalin? if you dont know joe stalin, he ruled the soviet union for 30 years, lets just say he was a bit of a 'bad dude'. a bad dude in the kind of 'cant be tamed' justin timberlake sort of way? stalin was even badder than justin timberlake! what? yeah. he was so bad during world war two he signed a non-aggression pact with the nazi's, he wiped out millions of his own people, and he had a very unpleasant moustache. now, you have to be very weary of men with moustaches: stalin had a moustache, hitler had a moustache, sadam hussein had a moustache, tom selleck had a moustache. that's right, magnum, i know what you did with higgins! anyway, stalin's grandson is on a mission, hes trying to restore stalin's good name. i thought we only had crazy people in california! what he said to the court in russia was that stalin presided over a golden era of literature and the arts. which is a bit like saying hannibal lecter presided over a golden era of fine cuisine. its like saying micheal vick presided over a golden era of pet care. you see what i'm saying?'

- mila kunis

+ still no jason ritter. craig promises that he will be on tomorrow.

9-01-09

+ 'there's very big news in hollywood', craig ferguson informs us, 'disney bought marvel comics for four billion dollars. not just one marvel comic, the whole collection! four billion. i think this is fantastic, it means we are this much closer to having the jonas brothers destroyed by the incredible hulk!'
+ dear aquaman
- quentin tarantino
+ originally they were suppossed to have jason ritter on, but they bumped him to tomorrow's show.

8-31-09

+ 'the big news here is that we are finally in HD', craig ferguson announces, 'now, i would like to assure both our regular viewers, even though cbs has spent upward of $200 upgrading the cameras, we will still be doing the same tired old crap we always do. you know what i did today? do i look like i'm a little 'aghh', you know what i did today? because we are going to HD, i'm such a douche, what i did was go to get my teeth whitened! i cant tell you the kind of pain i'm in right now! just four hours ago i was strapped to a chair while a man was putting strange apparatus in my mouth, then i went and had my teeth whitened... if i didn't have my teeth whitened, some people might suspect that i'm not originally from the united states!'

- emily deschanel

- terry crews

new opening

craig ferguson is now in HD! recently the 'late late show' upped their production value by turning to HD cameras and is now broadcast in high definition! along with those changes comes a few more: a new logo and a new opening. the song was rerecorded, and now the opening features a fun romp around town with craig singing, drumming, playing around with his puppets, and even taking a dip in the water fountain near his studio! i really love the new look, but i must say, i kind of miss the old light blue on the logo.

craig puppet

it finally happened! craig ferguson has been using puppets on 'the late late show' during the introduction so much that he has finally turned into one!

8-14-09

+ 'theres a new movie coming out today', craig ferguson informs, 'called 'the time traveler's wife', its based on the book 'the time travelers wife.'... there's a lot of movies about time travel, my favorite movie about going through time is the 'back to the future' movies. in the second one marty mcfly went to the year 2015 and there were flying cars. not gonna happen. in 2015 we'll be lucky if there's any cars in this country...'

- liza minnelli craig apologizes for saying that he looks like her- which he does!

# egyptologist dr. kara cooney

8-13-09

+ 'its a great day for america, everybody, and it is a great day for this show!' craig ferguson exclaims, 'we just found out that we are going to be in the HD. yes! take that, other late night shows, now all you've got a head of us is a band, a budget, and a structurally sound place, an american born host, jokes. alright, you still win... but anyway, starting in a few weeks, if you have a fancy new digital television you will be able to watch this show in the HD. when i first heard we would be in HD i thought we already have it. doesn't HD stand for huge douche bag? i've been HD on this show for nearly five years!'
- jon cryer

8-12-09

+ 'august is a terribly brutal month', craig ferguson muses, 'even the name 'august' sounds hot and sweaty: aaauuughustt. the month of august got its name from the roman emperor august... actually, it was augustus. augustus must have been a really good emperor, he got a whole month named after him. all julius ceaser got was a salad, and an orange julius. i've always been fascinated by the roman empire. i've been to rome, it was founded in 750 bc by the twins romulus and remus. that's true, they were two twins, founded an empire, kind of like the olson twins! they came and they said 'we'll build our town here!' just like if the olson twins founded a town and it went on to dominate the world for a thousand years. and then in about 2000 years from now there will be a month named 'mary kate'.

- eric bana

= holly williams

8-11-09

+ 'i love to barbecue' craig ferguson shares, 'for me, a good barbecue, i love it, its like good sex. you have to let things heat up for a while, then you have to choose the right tool, everything should be covered in bbq sauce... i like the old fashioned taste you get when the bbq is wood smoked. you know there's a place on hollywood blvd. where they'll smoke your wood for 20 bucks. if you tell them i sent you they might put grill marks on your wiener... the best bbq i've ever had was in fort worth texas. in fort worth they have a bbq place called 'risky's', now you know the food is going to be good if they call the place 'risky's'. they like hot sauces in texas, at risky's theve got the 'hot death' sauce, 'satan's messenger', and 'burns when i pee'. these are their three hot sauces. when you have bbqs in l.a. its very tough because so many people are vegetarians. you've got your vegetarians and your pescatarians who are vegetarians who eat fish. or jerks, as i call them. i'm a vegetarian who eats fish and cows and pigs and chicken, and giraffes. oh yes, nothing says summertime like throwing a giraffe on the barbecue. 'come on, everybody, help me with the giraffe! alright kids, who wants neck?'.'

+ micheal caine's animal kingdom

+ betty white as an officer from san quinten

* mitch albom

= bonnie raitt and taj mahal

8-10-09

+ 'it's a big day for me today', craig ferguson confides, 'todays the day i've been looking forward to all year. finally i can talk about it, its the number one celebration for me. thats right, i'm talking about equadorian independence day! on this day in eighteen something something the south american country of equidor declared independence from spain. and the rest is history. history which i'm not very knowledgable about. now let me say this: i never took drugs. on equadorian independence day. no, even i had my limits on this sacred of days. in scotland where they said 'alright, thats enough drinking and fighting everyone, lets stop for one day in celebration of the people of equidor. all right, we can do some acid, thats it though, only acid. no smoking hashish, no crack, only acid. and whiskey.'.'

> carrot top

- alexis bledel

8-07-09

+ 'theres a big movie opening today: g.i. joe', craig reminds us, 'g.i. joe of course is the figure that comes with the guns and the radios, but no genitals. i'm thinking how can that be a good movie? the only reason i go see movies is if there's genitals in it. no genitals? then i'll keep my ten dollars, thank you. they call the g.i. joe toys 'action figures' because the toy companies think that dads wont buy their sons dolls, if the dads let their boys play with dolls it might make them gay. i dont know much about g.i. joe, it was popular in the 80's and by then i was too old for action figures, i had moved on to other toys, you know, strawberry shortcake, my little pony... i was into a different sort of toys: you know, tequila. more than meets the eye! it certainly transformed me, i'll tell ya. in scotland we had action man, its kind of like g.i. joe, it had the action grip, the little scar on its face. i always wondered when they would make the action man movie, then a couple of years ago in a hotel room i saw a movie called 'action man' on pay per view. it wasnt a war movie at all... but one of the men was heavily decorated. toys werent cool when i was a kid, the commercials for the toys were better than the actual toy. like that game 'kerplunk'. remember that game kerplunk? man that was crap! a clear plastic cylinder with sticks inside holding up a bunch of balls and then when you pulled them out and the balls fell you said 'kerplunk'. thats the game! thats it! i thought the game would be fun cause in the commerical it looks great cause the family looks like they are having fun- the werent angry, they werent drunk- nothing like my family. i was so conditioned by the commerical, so for years afterwards i said 'kerplunk!' every time i saw balls drop, so at about 13 years old i announced to my family at dinner one night 'guess what everybody? kerplunk!'

+ the j k rowling show with jeffrey tambor as stehenie meyer

- don rickles

= sharon jones and the dap kings

8-06-09

+ 'this week, if you're a real biker, you're probably headed to the sturgis motorcycle rally', craig ferguson shares, 'all week long in sturgis there has been a gathering of bikes, and biker mamas, and the men who ride the both. they have been doing the sturgis motorcycle rally in sturgis north dakota since 1938. sturgis is a town with about 6,000 people in it, but they are expecting about half a million bikers in sturgis this year, that is a lot of mustaches and leather packed into a very small place- its like a party at ryan seacrest's. every year the annual motorcyle rally is followed by the annual pick the bugs out of your beard festival. anyway, there's something about a guy on a motorcyle, its like 'i aint living by your rules'. real bikers give you other hints, you know, like the long beard, the bad ass boots, a kick in the nuts. i'll never forget, in arizona once, this is true, i saw a guy on a motorcycle, a big american motorcycle, no helmet and a gun strapped to his back. i'm like 'this is the best country in the world!'.'

- zooey deschanel

= glasvegas

book interview

with the release of his autobiography coming soon, craig ferguson sat down and chatted about about his book, his show, and life in general. its very amusing, and quite interesting. its over on amazon.com near the bottom of the page. i cant embed it directly, but you can still check it out here.

CBS cares about authors

craig ferguson, dressed up like j.k. rowling, joined by jeffrey tambor dressed up like stephanie meyer give a public service announcement. they each introduce themselves and fight over who has more money. 'more important than all the money we have is helping the kids.' they look at each other, 'yeah right!' as they bust into laughter and start throwing money in the air!

8-05-09

+ 'congratulations today to bill clinton', craig ferguson offers, 'back in america today after going to north korea and freeing the two journalists. its pretty amazing. to be fair, it wasnt that difficult for bill clinton, he's used to sneaking women out of government buildings. 'dont you girls worry, this is not my first time bringing two chicks home, alright?' now the two journalists are from al gore's tv network 'current tv'. thats what its called, current tv. which surprised me, when i heard al gore had a network, i thought 'well, its got to be the food network, clearly'. you got to wonder how that feels, having bill clinton rescue al gore's employees. thats like NBC relying on jay leno to save their entire network- that would be insane! your welcome visiting television critics in los angeles. now, when the plane left north korea with the women on board there was jubilant celebration, then bill found out they were both married so things quited down a bit. they landed in l.a. this morning, its quite a contrast between l.a. and north korea, one is a cruel place filled with soulless people who are despised by most americans, and of course the other one is north korea. after the journalists landed al gore gave a speech, of course. now i dont want to say al gore went on too long, but about half way through, the women were like 'we can go back to prison if you want'. one of the imprisoned journalists said that when she saw bill clinton she knew that her nightmare was over. i'm thinking 'well this shows how times change', ten years ago when a woman saw bill clinton she knew her troubles were just about to begin!'

+ CBS cares promo

# wolf blitzer

- rose byrne

8-04-09

+ 'mount everest is the highest point on earth', craig ferguson begins to explain, 'some scientists argue that willie nelson's tour bus is actually the highest place on earth. the mountaineer sir edmund hillary is famous for being the first person to climb to the top of mt. everest, but what they dont talk about is the guide, the local guide who showed him the way to the top. you're thinking 'how does he know the way?' its true, there was a local guide, named tenzing norgay, he had to carry sir edmund hillary's stuff, you know, his tennis racket, his tea making equipment and everything, his ipod, i dont know what the hell he was carrying. the guide was like 'just go right up here' 'how do you know? no one has ever climbed here before' 'umm, i came by this way before once'. anyway, that was 50 years ago. today rich yuppies climb everest all the time to impress their friends. you know whats at the top of everest now? a starbucks!'

+ micheal caine's animal kingdom

- tony shalhoub

- minka kelly

7-31-09

+ at the end of his monologue tonight, craig ferguson jokes 'we have to take a break now for some cartoons. wouldn't it be awesome if the break really was cartoons? not that commericals arent awesome, they are great, the pay my wages... wouldnt it be great, just once, to go 'lets take a break for cartoons!' we should have cartoons. you know, i'm fed up with this late night bullshit, we should get... remember 'pee wee's playhouse'? we should get chairy- remember chairy? he was like a chair that talks. i miss chairy! we should have chairy back, can we get chairy on the show? chairy, if you are out there watching... oh, and the genie as well! 'meka leka hi, meka hidy ho!' he'd do very well here!'

+ a skit where sean connery appears on a bunch of different shows

+ the rather late programme with prince charles

- saffron burrows

7-30-09

+ 'the x-games start today', craig ferguson informs us, 'the closest i ever got to participating in an extreme sport was when i was a kid. we used to make soap box racers. we used to call them 'bogeys'. i dont know why, but we called them bogeys. you find a wooden box and add spoked wheels from a baby carriage and go very fast down hill. stopping was a big problem cause there weren't any breaks on them. you had to do that fred flintstone thing where your feet are on the road. and so i noticed this, and being a sensitive little boy, i said 'i think we need some breaks on this' and all the other people in scotland are like 'oh, you want sundresses to go with your wee breaking system, do ya?' 'oh, breaks is it? oh, why don't you go to l.a. and be with your own kind, ya safety loving panzie!' ah, good times...'

+ micheal caine's animal kingdom

- james spader he talks forever!

7-29-09

+ 'here's something that happened today', craig ferguson shares with us, ''what was it craig?' i'll tell ya! a swedish company today was fined when one of their assembly line robots attacked a human worker. and so it begins... it's bizaar, here in california when a robot goes crazy, we elect it governor!'

- toni collette

- rodney carrington (sing and talk)

300 episodes!

wow! its hard to believe that i have been keeping this blog for 18 months already! this blog now features 300 episode summaries of 'the late late show with craig ferguson'. i have enjoyed watching and writing about the show for the past year and a half, and i hope you have enjoyed reading about it to.
if you dont mind, i think i will just take a moment to remind everyone of the different things they can find on this website:
-first off, the episode summaries can all be found here.
-a look at the e-mail time songs he used to do can be seen here.
-many of the fun segments he has had over the past year and a half can be seen here.
-criag's novel (which is really quite good) and autobiography can be purchased here and here, oh and don't forget his stand-up dvd here.
-other places he has popped up are mentioned here.
-over the past year or so craig has had many regulars come on and help him with different skits, some of which can be found here.
-also, over the past months, craig has received some pretty high praise, which you can read about here.
-there have also been some times where i have shared my own thoughts here.
-also, a year or so ago i had the distinct pleasure of actually being in the audience for a taping of 'the late late show', which i talk about here!
please, feel free to look around, and don't forget to enjoy the show!

craig at tca

recently the 'television critic's association' convention was held. this is a time when all the networks show off their new fall line up of shows and try and convince the television critics that their new shows are going to be great! they also pump up the old shows that are returning.
craig ferguson came by and had a talk with many of the critics as well to boost interest in 'the late late show with craig ferguson'. one of the critics in attendance was alan sipenwall. he wrote of the great time they had with craig- check it out here.

puppet contest results

for several weeks now, craig ferguson has been having a little contest on 'the late late show'. often on the show he will start off before the opening song with puppets. he has a vast collection of puppets and uses them with very funny results! now he is having a 'puppet popularity contest' to see which puppet the audience likes the best. each night (or so) he shares the results from his website. though there were many in the running, craig narrowed it down to the top five or six. when the audience voted for ones he didn't like, he would have the puppet bow out of the race. leading us the the final contest winner: the shark! strange how criag's favorite puppet seemed to win without the most votes... me thinks that there might have been some hanging chads to blame...

7-28-09

+ 'its a big day today.' craig ferguson announces, 'that's right, its peruvian independence day! on this day in 1821 peru declared independence from the spanish. now, they had been dominated by the spanish conquistadors for a long time. i know how they feel- call me antonio banderas!'
- christiane amanpour
- johnny galecki

micheal caine's animal kingdom

another riff on micheal caine, in this bit craig ferguson does his hilarious micheal caine impression with the backdrop being the great outdoors. caine never makes much mention of it, its merely a setting for craig to display his humorous take on the micheal caine of the 60's filled with sexual innuendo and double entendres.

7-27-09

+ 'a big celebrity birthday today' craig ferguson shares, 'bugs bunny was born this day in 1940, he's 69. he looks great, but i think he's had some work done.... talking animals are always popular, not just bugs bunny, that guinea pig movie was number one this weekend. my favorite talking animal movie was 'babe'. that was the reason i stopped acting. you know babe, the talking pig movie. the acting by the pig and the sheep dog in that movie was amazing! and i was like 'i cant do as well as these, why go on?' did you know, though, they used 15 different pigs to play babe? cuase pigs grow very fast, and they are delicious. so after i saw the 'babe' movie, i stopped acting completely. then i did eight years on 'the drew carey show'. and, by the way, did you know they used 15 different drew careys, cause they grow so fast. and they're delicious.'

+ micheal caine's animal kingdom

- chelsea handler

- richard wolffe

7-24-09

+ 'now, if you are anything like me, and of course you're not, you've got a life and everything...' craig ferguson begins, 'you've been waiting a long time for today because today you get to see a movie about guinea pigs who fight crime! finally- hollywood made a movie for people with a brain! the movie, 'g force', came out today. its about guinea pigs who work as spies for the government. makes ya proud to be in show business doesn't it? rodents are making a big comeback in the movies, you got ratattoi with rats, 'desperoux' with mice, 'g force' with guinea pigs. i'm guessing gerbils are coming close behind...' the crowd begins to slowly catch on to the joke craig is hinting at here, 'i mean, what do you think? you think? i'm like 'come on'... i mean its so random...'
- rashida jones very funny!
- jose andres
> jim breuer

fist shake

during the episode of 'the late late show with craig ferguson' on july 23 it was apparent that craig didn't care much for the audience. they kept 'ooh'ing and 'boo'ing at all the wrong times and it obviously got on his nerves, causing him to get up out of his desk and shake his fist at them!
this fist shaking incident either made him feel bad and now is trying to cover it up, or it was an inspiration to him for a new schtick. because since then he has turned it into a bit that he does where he threatens to shake his fist at the audience, when he does they even play silly music as he goes from one side of the audience to the other as the camera follows him. it quite funny because i have always enjoyed (and actually copied in real life) the way he shakes his fist: he doesnt move his whole arm, rather he shakes it at the wrist.

7-23-09

+ 'today in san diego was the first day of comic con', craig ferguson informs us, 'its the worlds big comic book convention. it's not just comic books though, all the hollywood studios go there to preview next year's movies. for the convention they are expecting 135,000 people each day, and not just geeks! there will be nerds, and dorks, and dweebs... being a geek has gone completely mainstream, it's actually cool to be a geek. you wont see me making jokes about comics, and science fiction, and unwanted virginity, or any of that stuff... thanks to geeks technology increases, and life gets easier. without geeks we'd still be playing pong on our computers, we'd still be using magazines for our porn!' one thing that was especially funny tonight was the obvious disliking craig had for the studio audience. they would ooh and ahh at the exact wrong times, and it totally ticked him off- at one point he got out of his chair to shake his fist at the audience!
- cheryl hines
- ben mezrich

7-22-09

+ today's a big day if you are a gangster', shares craig ferguson, 'and i dont mean a 16 year old with his hat on backwards driving your mom's pimped out camery. i mean real gangsters. 75 years ago today the gangster john dillanger was shot by g-men. now when i say g-men i don't mean goreous men, or gay men. government angents, thats how they talked in the 1930's, 'say mack, a couple of g-men are on our tail' 'g-men? do you mean goreous men?' 'oh, i wish!' 'goreous men are on our tail? why are you driving so fast?!?' there's a movie out now, 'public enemies' with jonny depp and christian bale. in the 30's john dillanger was known as public enemy number one. and you know who i feal sorry for? public enemy number two. its very hard to get respenct when you're like 'dont mess with me, i'm number two! why are you laughing at me, mack? number two! on one will ever touch number two. number two will make a big splash!'
- tom lennon
- kelly rowland
> dobie maxwell not funny

7-21-09

+ 'i figured it out.' craig ferguson begins his rant, 'i figured it out! 'what?' i'll tell ya: everything!!! why everything sucks. here's why: in the 1950's a bunch of advertising guys, madison avenue guys got together and decided what they were trying to do is sell products to younger people. they said 'we should try to sell products to younger people because then they will buy more products their whole lives'. so they tried to sell them soft drinks, or bread, or cigars, or whatever the hell they were trying to sell them. they decided they would try to advertise to younger people. it was jus an advertising thing, they didn't mean any harm by it, its just a bit of market research. so they did that and told the tv companies, the movie companies, the radio companies, so everybody started targeting they youth because the youth were where you were going to be able to sell things. what happened was, in a strange sort of quirk of fate, youth began to be celebrated by society in a way that had never been done in the whole human history of society, because what used to be celebrated was experience and cleverness. what happened though, was what became valuable was youth. the quality of youth is what made you a consumer. what happened was they started concentrating on these people. i know what yuor thinking: 'but craig, in ancient greece they deified the youth'. no, they didnt, they deified beauty. ah, different, right? so what happened is youth became more important and more important and more important, and society began to turn on its head because with the deification of youth, and youth has a byproduct, the byproduct of inexperience. by the very nature of youth you dont have experience, you're too young to have it, its not your fault. but you're young and kind of stupid, so they sell you stuff, right. so the deification of youth began, but the deification of youth didn't stop there. the deification of youth evolved and became the deification of imbecility. so it became desirable and fashionable to be young and stupid. it started to be in fashion and that grew and that grew and that grew, and now that's all that kids want to be: 'i just want to be young and stupid'. but you know what? that's not what you want to be, you don't want to be that. and then what happened is people became frightened to not be young, they didnt want to be older, so they started to dye their hair, they started to mutilate their face and their bodies to look young. you cant be young forever. thats against the laws of the universe! and all of this horrible querk and terrible movement, nobody meant it, nobody meant any harm, but now we're in this terrible place where we have the fucking jonas brothers!!!'
- gerard butler
- jackie collins

7-20-09

+ during email time craig ferguson shares this: 'oh, this is awesome, this is an email from carolie in altoin bay in new hampsire. she says 'dear craig, did you know you are the highest rated late night show in the lesbian demographic? does that turn you on?' you bet it does! you know whats so awesome about it as well, it opens up a whole new range of advertisers. i think we can get into plaid shirts, ladies golf accessories... i love that lesbians watch the show. you know why? you're not judged here, no one is judged here. lesbians, not lesbians- what do you call not lesbians? unlesbians i suppose. gay, straight, fat, thin, black, white, tall short. you're all welcome here. you know why? cause its only me, and i got no problem with you, so you're good. 'yes craig, but what about us people who don't like other people?' you're welcome here too. 'but if we're welcome...' dont worry, you don't all have to watch it in the same house. hats my point. 'but craig, i'm a committed racist homophobe, i cant enjoy a show that lesbians also enjoy', well, yes you can! 'how is this possible?' well, you don't have to live in the same house. 'ooh'. its only tv, it's not important. well, its important to me, its how i pay the bills. that and the stripping.'
- margaret cho
- michael lewis
= eric church

7-17-09

+ the new harry potter movie comes out today, and craig ferguson has a few things to say about it. 'now, the harry potter books were written, of course, by j.k. rowling who was the most famous woman in scotland, until susan boyle took over. actually, i think her 15 minutes of fame are over by now, which is good- hollywood only has room for one middle aged scottish virgin, and that's me! thats right, step aside, boyle! now, the harry potter books i like cause they made magic seem cool again, this is after the years of damage caused by david blaine. jk should right more harry potter books cause kids get very excited about them, and i think thats great. kids getting excited about them instead of what i did when i was a kid, you know, watching tv, robbing houses, stabbing people. maybe that was just my childhood... i grew up in the village of the damned. 'you were thinking about hurting us, weren't you?' there's only two harry potter movies left to get made, but we'll get more after that, they're not going to stop. they'll make harry potter cartoons with harry potter's little cousin scrappy potter, harry potter meets the harlem globetrotters, a tv show where harry potter is a middle aged dude who's living in a boat in the marina, he's divorced and he solves crimes and hangs out in swingers clubs and everything i'm looking forward to that one, actually...'
- paris hilton
- alan furst
= ray lamontagne

7-16-09

+ 'its a great day for the show', craig ferguson shares, 'we're very excited, the emmy awards were announced today, the nominations, and i'm proud to say we've been nominated for outstanding achievement in fart jokes, we're very excited. no we didn't get nominated. you know why? because the academy of television arts hates america. somebody has to say it, and the price that you pay is not getting an emmy nomination. i understand. its a price i'm willing to pay for my country, thank you. yes it is.'
- isaac mizrahi
- shahren aghdashloo

7-15-09

+ 'paul mccartney was on dave tonight,' craig ferguson reminds us, 'i thought paul was fantastic! do we have a picture of paul mccartney?' craig asks, and they show a photo of angela lansbury. 'we've been doing that for years. you know, the only reason we keep doing that, by the way, in the first year of the show, the show got a terrible review from the los angeles times newspaper. a newspaper is a thing that they had before blogs. they gave the show a terrible review and the reviewer said, and i remember the quote, it said 'and without any apparent irony he shows a picture of angela lansbury and says it's paul mccartney, and he's done it three or four times.' so for the next four years i showed it once a week. some weeks it was every night. i'm still here, where are you los angeles times?!?'
- rosie perez
- mike massimino

7-14-09

+ 'its not only a great day for america, but also for our good friends the french', craig ferguson informs us, 'it's bastille day! now, bastille day, of course, is when the french celebrate the storming of the prison near paris in 1789, the bastille prison. this day was the beginning of the french revolution. it was an era of turmoil for france, lots of things happened: the french fighting, then napoleon, he turned up and ruled for a while, he was kicked out, then they decided they wanted him back, so they put him on at 10:00pm on NBC. i'm hazy on the details...'
+ skit with palin on different shows now that she's not the governor of alaska
- john larroquette
= sharon jones and the dap kings

7-13-09

+ 'people are freaked by bruno and the gay stereotypes' craig ferguson shares, 'most audience members are smart enough to know that not all gay people act like bruno, unfortunately there are some people who don't realize this, and these people are called 'morons'. morons use a funny movie like bruno to reinforce their ignorant ideas, and they always ruin it for the rest of us. 'i dont want those gays in my neighborhood checking out my ass.' no one's checking out your ass, not until you loose fifty pounds and get a belt that matches those shoes, mister! what i'm saying is of course bruno is a ridiculous gay stereotype. its like the stereotype that all scottish people wear kilts, eat haggis, and are careful with their money. its nonsense. as you see i am not wearing a kilt. its cause i spilled haggis on it, and the dry cleaners want six whole dollars! there's another stereotype that we have a special relationship with sheep. i dont have anything to do with sheep- i've had my heart broken too many times...'
- selma blair
- connie schultz

7-10-09

+ craig ferguson must be getting pretty frustrated about the late night wars, because tonight he went into a sarcastic sing-song rant on why his show is maybe not doing quite as well as the rest: ' welcome back to the biggest show in late night! doo dee dee- quiet band! oh, lights! graphics graphics graphics! 'A' list guests stopping by for a chat! promotion from the network, advertising in newspapers! oh wait, thats everybody else. welcome back to the one you have to find for yourself. but i'm glad you made it here, we are a small select group of people. we will call ourselves 'people who like cats.'
- ray romano
- michael buble talks and sings. he sure was funny too!

7-9-09

+ 'its day three of the running of the bulls in pamplona spain', craig ferguson shares, 'you know i went there in the 1990's once, i believe... no, i did, in 1990 i went to the running of the bulls, but day three i was sleeping in a dumpster and had my ass gored twice! and i hadn't yet run with the bulls... 'wait a minute crag, are you implying that you were a blackout drunk with promiscuous sex going on everywhere in the 80's and 90's?' i'm not implying, i'm categorically stating it! ah, good times...'
- jeff goldblum
- dr. lisa masterson
> avi liberman

7-8-09

+ 'the los angeles city council has declared war on marijuana dispensaries' craig ferguson informs, 'now if you dont know what a marijuana dispensary is and i'm guessing noe of this audience has any doubt what it is. 'dude, yeah, its a store where you can legally get marijuana!' yes. its supposed to be for medical reasons, for glaucoma, tunnel vision usually. strangely, half of los angeles is suffering form the scourge of tunnel vision! 'oh, the tunnel vision is so bad- and this combined with my restless leg syndrome! i'm in hell!' it's an epidemic here, glaucoma, it's worse than botox and lying about your age! i'm 31, by the way.'
- julie chen
- micheal ian black

7-7-09

+ craig ferguson shares his memories of michael jackson: 'i actually saw michael jackson perform live in concert. it was a spectacular show. i wasn't a huge fan of michael jackson, but i went because it was michael jackson- thats how big a star he was. when someone said michael jackson is on, you went! at the end of the concert i was like 'wow! that is amazing!' at the end of his concert he flew off in a jet pack! it was awesome! there were two hours of singing and dancing and crotch grabbing- and that was just me in the audience, nevermind what michael was doing on stage! it was amazing, it was an amazing concert, i was like 'wow!' it was in london at wembley stadium, the old one. it used to hold 70,000 people- can you imagine: 70,000 english people singing along with micheal jackson? 'billy jean is not my lova, oy govna!' it is though, the end of an era, michael jackson was the biggest star in the world for years- for years! these days the biggest celebrity changes every ten minutes, thanks to youtube. first it was susan boyle, then its a cat playing the piano, then its a fat guy getting hit in the nuts or something. which i admit is always funny, but michael jackson was a hit for years. he was a music icon, he was. he changed pop culture forever. he was like frank sinatra, elvis, or the beatles. i remember when sinatra died many people would say 'he was the soundtrack to my life' most of those people were in the mafia, but it's true... the music of a true icon lives forever. in the 80's, what i'm saying is that michael jackson was the soundtrack to many people's lives. not mine, in the 80's my soundtrack was just 'glug glug', maybe a little 'sniff sniff'... i'm not proud of it, i'm just telling ya what happened. anyway, what i'm saying is this: i'm not going to pretend like everyone else in the media that i didnt make jokes about michael jackson, i did. michael jackson was an icon, and i am an iconoclast and its my job. when i make fun of celebrities it's nothing personal. i would like to say tonight to the millions of people all over the world, to his fans, to the friends, and of course to the family of michael jackson, our sympathies are with you.'
+ ask aquaman
- evan rachel wood
- christopher gorham

the great puppet challenge!

on monday night craig ferguson created a new contest on his show: the great puppet challenge! often over the past several months on his show, craig has been using puppets in his introductions to the show. he started out with a monkey puppet, and has since included many many more. some times he uses one, other times (usually when craig does a musical number at the top of the show) he uses six or more at a time! now he has decided to find out which one is the audience favorite, which is the best puppet! here is you chance, go here to vote on which of craig's puppets is the greatest puppet in 'the great puppet challenge!'

7-6-09

+ 'last week i was on a USO tour in europe' craig ferguson shares, 'USO, its a great organization, God bless em. what USO does is send celebrities to perform for the troops. when they run out of celebrities, they send me! 'don't our troops suffer enough?' 'no, send ferguson!' anyway, the first stop was kosovo. its very close to serbia. its so close in fact, that the serbians think its theirs, thats kind of where the problems begin... anyway, i'm sure parts of the former yogoslovia are very beautiful, but where we were, camp bondsteel, may not be the one they want to promote in the future. the first thing you notice when you drive in from the airport to the base, theres this law in kosovo that you don't have to pay taxes on a building if its not finished- so none of the buildings are finished, none of them! everything is under construction all the time- its like cher for miles! and the USO, a very dignified and great organization, they have a very tough rule: you cannot make fun fo the local environment. and i'm thinking 'well, this is unfair!' i mean, i am a professional comedian, not a very good one but a professional, i am driving through half built villages filled with vampire counts, where the whole town shares one bushy eyebrow, and i can't make fun of them?!? thats like inviting clinton to hooters and telling him 'only touch the food, bill!'.'
- eric idle

4th of july special

this year craig ferguson again hosted the 'boston pops fireworks spectacular' on CBS. 'happy 4th of july! this is my third year hosting this incredible party! a lot has changed for me personally over the years. the first year i was here i wasn't even an american citizen, the second year i became a citizen, and now i'm just an average american dude kicking back and having a bbq, lighting off fireworks with a million of my closest friends!'
through out the telecast craig would come on and introduce everything that was going on, from performances by neil diamond, to the amazing fireworks in boston!

a lady of insignificance

a skit parodying stuffy british dramas, here craig ferguson plays 'a lady of insignificance', a woman who is trying to find love. it is presented as a preview for a movie, showing who is in it and the cast includes all kinds of different craig impressions: sean connery, michael caine, angela lansbury, and many more! what, no aguaman?!?

6-26-09

+ craig ferguson often misspronounces words, but goes with it. he has a great skill of turning his mistakes into humor. today there were a couple examples: 'the gentelman who directed transformers is michael bay. he makes all the movies about explosions and testerone. testerone? 'dont you mean testosterone?' 'no, no i dont' 'whats testerone then?' 'well, its like testosterone, only its european!'. oh, it's friday, what do you want? i've had a long week! anyway, michael bay makes all the mu... musicals? yeah, musicals. he makes musicals!' then craig breaks into a showtune song 'transformers! hey hey hey!' 'look, i know it's crap, but i'm trying! actually, i'm lying to ya- i'm not even trying that hard... michael bay makes all the movies with explosions and testosterone is what i'm trying to say. oh, i wanted to talka bout it, but we've run out of time!'

+ 'a lady of insignificance' skit

+ dear aquaman

- lisa kudrow

> james frey

= chairlift they are pretty good!

6-25-09

+ 'its national catfish day!' craig ferguson exclaims, 'it was actually started in 1987, catfish day, by president regan, so thank you mr. president! you took the time out of single-handedly defeating communism to give us catfish day. probably not what you are best remembered for, but you did do it. catfish go their name cause they look a bit like cats. i'm running low on crap about catfish day... no, they're called catfish cause they've got the wiskers, and they look a bit like cats. now, cats the animals, not the broadway show 'cats', but they can do jazz fins!'

+ dear aquaman

- larry david he seemed obviously amused with craig!

-> wolfgang puck

6-24-09

+ 'all im saying', craig ferguson explains, 'is that its a sad state of affairs when a politician who's always banging on about family values gets caught banging on. this would be like if al gore was caught using four s.u.v.s bringing his lunch to work. over the past couple of years theres been a whole lof of scandals involving governors. first there was the governor of new jersey with his secret gay sex life, which is like 'oh, that makes him quite interesting!'. then there was governor spitzer who was like 'i hate hookers, except for the ones i hire'. blagojavich taking bribes and wearing a beaver on his head. you know it's pretty messed up when the most normal governor of the last decade has been jesse 'the body' ventura!'

- mary steenburgen

= bettye lavette

> todd sawyer

star trek

when the new star trek movie came out, craig ferguson had a skit showing what william shatner tried to do to get in the film. it shows shatner, played terribly by craig, trying to get on the set of the movie. the whole thing fell apart pretty quickly as craig kept breaking character and admitting how terrible his impression of shatner was!

best guests

as with anyone, craig ferguson has his favorites. as a tv show host he has many, many guests on his show, but there are always those special few who he has a closer bond with. and every time they are on it is television gold! in my opinion, there are three guests in particular who craig seems to enjoy above all others. when they are on you can just tell he is having a blast- and so is the guest! below is a list of (in my opinion) who are his top three guests:

ewan mcgregor- i've seen him as a guest twice now, and each time has been outrageously funny! they obviously have a long history together and are close friends. when ever ewan is on, its absolutely apparent that they are having a blast. they both become like giddy school boys messing around! both times ewan has been on he has done a guest spot on the skit 'espn uk', wearing a wig and a mustache which never stays put. these sketches have become the funniest moments ever on craigs show.

jim parsons- jim comes on fairly regularly due to being on 'the big bang theory', another cbs show. jim and craig are great fun to watch together because jim is a very intellectual person who tries to be funny, and craig, also an intellectual person, plays off that by being even more ridiculous and silly. jim plays it straight and pretends to not get craig, and craig plays it funny pretending not to understand jim- the classic laurel and hardy formula!

billy connelly- obviously another friend of craigs, the two of them have a great chemistry and rapport. i cant quite figure out if its a father/son relationship, or an older brother/younger brother sort of thing, but either way, the two of them riff off each other to great effect!

am i missing anyone? who do you think is the best when they are along side craig?

6-23-09

+ a lot of people confuse american idol with america's got talent. they are not the same thing, they are very different. america's got talent isn't just people singing, they've got dancing, they got magicians, they got guys who juggle balls. although to be fair, i think american idol had some guys who juggle balls this season too... anyway, i'm looking at the america's got talent show today, and here's the amazing thing: the winner gets a show in las vegas and a million dollars! you might think 'man, now thats a prize!' right? then you find out the money gets payed out over 40 years. thats true! that means that the winner gets a show in vegas and 25 grand a year. now, according to estimates, 25 grand is a poverty level wage, but its poverty for 40 years- guaranteed! so, even if you win, you loose.

+ craig talks with governor arnold schwarzenegger

- jim parsons a light is out over his head, so he sits in the farther of the two chairs- hilarity ensues!

6-22-09

+ 'the creator of the vibrating bed died today. it's not sexy to me, the vibrating bed, i can get the same feeling leaning against a washing machine. that's why i can never go back to the laundry mat. call me fluff and fold!'

- marion cotillard

* michael musto craig certainly seemed to dislike this guy...

6-19-09

+ this was craig ferguson's 900th episode! wow! after the monologue, as he was walking back to his desk, he slipped on some grease that was on the floor and, in his words, almost died! 'call me lawyers!''you know, a lot of people say to me 'craig' and i'm like 'yeah? what?' they're like 'just hi.' and then other people dont say that, they say 'craig, do you know this? that prince charles is not only the prince of wales in the uk, he's also the king of late night tv in the uk.' i say 'no, that's not true', they say 'yes, it is true', and then they say 'look at this clip!' and i say 'where did you get a clip? we're in starbucks!' apparently you can get clips in starbucks now!' all that just to lead into a new installment of 'the rather late programme with prince charles'
- bryan cranson
= ben kweller

6-18-09

+ 'do you know who's broken more bones than anyone else ever, in the history of bone breaking?' craig asks, 'thats a history, its a real thing. its in the guinness book of world records: evel knievel! that makes me respect him a bit more, as if you need a reason to respect a guy who's mother named him 'evel!' 'and what are you going to call your child, mrs. knievel?' 'we're going to call him evel' 'evel knievel, you say?' 'yes, we're hoping he goes into daredevil stunt riding when he's older'. i like the old daredevil stunt riders like evel knievel, launching motorcycles over school busses, jumping through rings of fire, driving with mel gibson- they were crazy! nobody dared evel to do any of this stuff, he wasnt a daredevil, he did it for his own reasons. he's more of a 'stupid devil'. basically he was just a drunk guy with a motorcycle- which was awesome! remember when he jumped over snake river canyon on his motorcycle? people were saying 'aw, he's cheating cause its really just a motorcycle strapped to a rocket'. oh, you're right, he's cheating, what a cop out, anyone can do that! oh, he's just put a rocket on a motorcycle! thats not cheating, thats clinically insane!'
+ the return of 'michael caine in space'
- sandra bullock
= metric (they were pretty good!)
> david feldman lame

6-17-09

+ after another political scandal, involving a republican senator from nevada, craig tells it like it is: 'now of course, all the people on the left are delighted because senator ensin is a republican. of course, when someone from the left is in trouble, everyone on the right is delighted. you know me, i'm just delighted when any of them are in trouble! cause i don't care what side they are on, if anyone isn't out there lying, talking crap, cheating on their wives, i'd have nothing to talk about. it would be fart jokes every night! i'd have to talk about serious stuff like the economy or global warming. so to all the politicians i say 'thank you hypocritical bastards! thank you from the bottom of my heart!'
+ ask aquaman
- julia ormond
# derrick pitts

6-16-09

+ have you seen the spider-man on hollywood boulevard?' craig ferguson asks, 'have you seen him? oh, you'd clap if you'd seen him. that spider-man costume is... snug. its like you can see his spidey sense tingling! you can, you just see him and you're like 'oh, man!' throw a web over that or something!' realizing he has gotten off on a tangent, craig asks 'what was i talking about? i got distracted by the revealing costume of spider-man, not for the first time either...'
* jeff foxworthy
= gavin degraw

6-15-09

+ 'on the other side of the world there are riots going on', craig ferguson reminds us, 'crowds are flooding the streets of tehran standing up for a little something called democracy. if you havent been following the story, here it is: last week iran had a presidential election adn president imadinnerjacket was behind in the poles. then, low and behold, which is another way of saying 'then', low and behold, he won big everywhere! the big cities, rural areas, he even won in florida- which is impossible! many iranians think his 'come from behind' victory was rigged. why do they think that? well, the officials at the election ministry have cell phone videos of the ballot boxes being stuffed. that would be proof, in fact. the election results themselves are kind of hard to believe. according to the numbers, both opposition candidates lost in their own home towns. that's like obama loosing in his home city of chicago. i'm not in any way suggesting that iranian politics are as corrupt as chicago, but even blagojavich is like 'these guys are good!'
but what happened was the young people in iran could smell a rat. so they did what all young people do these days- they got on twitter. they are on the twitter and are organizing protests on the twitter. i dont know how they're doing it, i dont know how twitter works. i've said it before, i dont care, its not for me, i'm a geezer. but technology that spreads information quickly is always good for democracy. our american revolution wouldnt have happened without the printing press- the twitter of its day! they made up pamphlets saying 'arent the british bastards?!?' and handed them out. it would have been a lot easier for paul revere if he had twitter! he wouldnt need a horse- just a phone! 'the british are coming! the british are coming! omg! angry
emoticon' send!
- holly hunter
= camera obscura

6-12-09

+ 'its a big night for television,' craig ferguson explains, 'every tv station has made the transition from analog to digital. it went into effect at midnight tonight. oh yeah, digital- hurrah! no, don't applaud digital. now that i'm digital, i feel like a new man! i must confess, i feel like a new man every night. sticking with the same one makes me bored... now if you don't understand the digital transition, you are not alone, its very confusing. it's like trying to understand quantum physics, or 'lost', or paula abdul or something. now, not everyone is affected. if you have cable or satellite, you're ok. actually, if you have cable or satellite, you're not watching this show!'
- dane cook
+ larry king of the jungle
* peter travers

6-11-09

+ craig ferguson received an email asking 'dear craig, was henry the 8th really such a bad guy?' craig responds 'well, lets look at the historical evidence: he killed, what, two or was it three of his wives? he murdered a lot of people, and died of syphilis i believe. nah, wasn't that bad. what is wrong with you?!? yes, yes, he was a bad guy! 'but he was a king!', yes that's why we dont have any in america! except larry king, who's not a bad guy.'

- larry king

- anna friel

the must list

every year entertainment weekly makes a list of what is cool and popular this year. it used to be called 'the it list', but a couple years ago they changed it to 'the must list'. either way, our good old friend craig ferguson is on it this year! here is what entertainment weekly had to say:

Craig Ferguson: Must Monologuist
AGE: 47
WHY HIM: CBS' Late Late
Show host gives the most spontaneous, surprising monologues in late night.
REDEFINING THE BUCKET LIST: ''I work out the monologue subjects with the
writers, but we don't write actual jokes. It allows for improvisation. One night
recently there was a leak in the studio ceiling, and someone had put a ratty old
bucket down to catch the drips. I did 10 minutes on that bucket. The audience
loved it, 'cause they knew it was spontaneous. So if I can give any future
talk-show host advice, it's this: Don't ignore the buckets in life. Speak from
your heart about a leaky-ceiling bucket.''
NEXT: His no-holds-barred autobiography (drinking! punk-rock drumming!),
titled American on Purpose, will be published in September.
ON HIS MUST LIST: Jeannette Walls' new book, Half Broke Horses.

betty white

betty white is a frequent guest on 'the late late show with craig ferguson'. she, along with a handful of other regulars, stop by and do sketches with criag after the monologue. craig will say that he has a guest coming on to talk about the something in particular, whether its the head of the girl scouts, or a representative for an airline, or his mail deliverer. then out comes betty pretending to be that person. the skits usually go the same way: craig asks about what she does and it always devolves into some sexual topic, which is always funny to hear betty white talk about sex!
craig himself talks about betty white as a regular on the show:
'betty white is the morgan freeman of comedy. you put her in a movie, it's automatically better! like when morgan freeman is in a movie you think 'well it's got to be good, morgan freeman is in it'. the same with betty white. if betty white is in a movie, it's going to be good! that's why we have her on this show all the time. cause, lets be honest, this is a crap show, but when shes on you go 'finally!' cause you know its going to be funny, and when she leaves, it's time to go to bed!'

6-10-09

+ 'its not such a great day for miss california today, who was fired!' craig ferguson shares. 'apearantly pageant organizers felt that she best represented the state of california if she was, in fact, unemployed. its a terrible shame, i'm very worried. i just hope, i hope with all my heart, that california can find another dumb blond with fake boobs- i hope we have one! fingers crossed!'
+ tim meadows reports on the newest supreme court appointment
- chris matthews